So much is no expected of me. from my peers, from my parents, everyone around me is pushing me into being something I am just not ready to be yet. Christmas is just another reminder about how quickly things have changed. there is just so much to have to remember, and so much I am being held back from doing.
Work prevents me from taking as much vacation as I want. But I suppose that is my fault mostly. I could live at my parents house for free. But I feel like at 22 I am expected to be already on my own. Like I should be learning life lessons or some shit. All I really feel is a harsh reality about life. the stresses of renting a house, needing to be on time with all your payments, having to deal with people that are sometimes not easy to deal with. All these things place me in a weird mood about how life is going to be for hopefully 60+ more years.
I am comfortable at the home I live in right now, but I grow worrysome about this great living situation ending fairly soon. Be it because of my poor grades, or the crazy landlords pulling some shit on us. Then there is the ever stressful job. Filled with so much work, and little time to do much of anything. I miss seeing my parents. I miss seeing my sister. I will soon be an uncle, and I am afraid of not being in my niece or nephews life enough.
The end of 2009 will mark my 22nd year in existence. This will be my 22nd Christmas. 2010 marks the beginning of my 23rd year. another year full of let downs and mishaps. But maybe, there is something bright in the horizon. Because one day, I know that things will come together.
Or at least thats what I keep telling myself.....
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