another day late, and one year older.

It has been an entire year since I have looked at this. I know no one else has, but thats ok. I mainly made this blog so I could do exactly what I did right now. forget about it, and come back a year later and read where I was at and who I was with at the time. it is very emotionally draining reading what I wrote so long ago.

it is now january 12th 2011. my last post was december 16th 2009. thinking about the changes which have occurred in the year since I last posted just blows me away. Living situations have changed, loving situations have changed, mistakes were made, friends were made, friends were lost, medical emergencies have happened. it is just so goddamn overwhelming thinking about it. It's just its one of those scary facts about life that you realize as you grow older.

I think the main reason I created this blog was because I don't have a journal, nor do I feel like spending the time writing in a small booklet of paper with a pen. why not utilize the infinite space of the internet? reading over my old livejournal is always something else. I just cant believe that I had cataloged so much of my life in such a short amount of time. just like this blog I look back on mistakes, experiences, changes, and challenges that I faced just like every other teenager faces.

So here I am a year later, with a pocket full of mistakes and regrets (which I try not to hold on to, but sometimes you just makes those mistakes that are too great to move past) and all I have to show for it is a broken heart, and more self hatred. I look at this year and I hope that forgiveness is in order, and I can move past so many things that I have been clinging onto. I just want so bad to prove that I can be what I promised to be nearly 2 years ago. I want to take back all the mistakes I made by not expressing myself to the one person that I should have been expressing to. I want to prove that sometimes, happily ever after is not just a work of fiction or some cheesy bullshit that was written into children's books.

Time will heal all wounds they say, but that isn't what I need right now. I know what I need, and its the one thing that my mistakes have prevented me from having, and it is a goddamn shame. so I will sit patiently and wait until the answers come to me in whatever form it is that they come in. I just hope that they don't take their time.

So maybe I will see you in another year, or maybe I will update sooner than that. I guess only time will tell.....